As some of you might know from my youtube channel, I am currently on a weight loss journey. I have rejoined Weight Watchers and have started focusing on meal planning and meal prepping in order to keep my eating on track.

Last summer when I first started Weight Watchers for the first time I was at the highest weight I’ve ever been: 170 lbs. I am only 5’2″ so when I looked in the mirror it was very obvious to me

How did I get to that weight? It’s kind of a long story. But in early 2016 I entered a relationship with someone. In the beginning I was so happy and I loved going out on dates whether it be dinner or drinks or both. Before that, I very rarely drank and I also rarely went out. But my new boyfriend loved beer and so I found myself always ordering a drink if he did.

Just to make it clear, he never pressured me to drink. It was just something I felt the need to do at the time. To me if felt new and fun.

I also started using food and alcohol as a crutch. Our relationship continued for almost two years and as I realized that my boyfriend and I were maybe too different and that we had different goals, I grew sad. It wasn’t good. I look back and think about how many nights I felt sad and alone and binged on junk food and alcohol.

I was in therapy (I had been for a while) and I knew that my life and my relationship wasn’t what I wanted it to be and that I was using things like pizza and wine to make me feel better, but I couldn’t stop. I would sit at home on week nights and have multiple drinks per night even though I had work in the morning.

It did not feel good. Not at all.

The relationship ended at the very end of 2017 and I was devastated. I was the saddest I had ever been. I would go home from work at night and just curl up in bed and try to forget. On nights that I didn’t drink I would take zzzquil to go to bed incredibly early just so I wouldn’t have to think about things any more.

My parents knew that there was something wrong with me. They got me a puppy for my birthday because they could see how completely sad I was. I’m sure they noticed the weight gain as well but they didn’t say anything.

Having a new puppy gave me some purpose, which was nice. Throughout the rest of the winter I worked on house training her and taking care of her. I loved her so much from the moment my Dad and I went to pick her up and when she curled up on my lap in the evenings to sleep it did make me feel better.

So I was feeling better emotionally, but I was still making unhealthy choices when it came to food and alcohol.

In June 2018 I enrolled in Weight Watchers online for the first time. It was really eye opening to be tracking everything I ate. I followed through for a few months over the Summer and that’s how I lost my first 10 lbs.

I’m not sure why I stopped. Maybe stress? I had a lot going on last Fall and Winter with house hunting. I purchased my first home at the beginning of this year (February 2019) and it’s been a while ride. I did wind up trying Nutrisystem for 2 months which I wouldn’t necessarily recommend. Haha. But more on that later.

Now it’s May 2019 and I’ve signed up for Weight Watchers Online again, which I think is now WW. I feel ready to recommit to my weight loss journey.

I’m starting at 160 lbs with a goal weight of 140. I’ve significantly cut down on my drinking. I really only buy alcohol once every couple of weeks. Maybe even once a month. But now that I’m tracking again it will probably be much less.

Food is still important to me and I love pizza just as much as I did before, but I’m in a much better place emotionally which makes it easier to make healthy choices. I’m still going to therapy but it’s as-needed and I haven’t been in a couple of months because I’m feeling pretty good. I’m learning to live alone (with Hazel, of course) and be happy with myself.

I’m not perfect. I still have bouts of insecurity about a variety of subjects, but I know how to deal with it better.

This post is really long but it just feels so good to get my story out in the open. I know I’m not the only emotional eater/drinker out there. But while my depression used to have a hold on me, it doesn’t any more. I have the skills to cope with my sadness better

If you’re reading this, thank you for getting this far. Let me know in the comments if you’re also doing WW. I’d love to hear about your journey.

xo Marian

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